When I was pregnant with my baby boy, I made the decision to breastfeed him. Let me just say...I knew nothing going into it. Only resting in the fact that my mom breastfed me, and if she could do it, I could do it! I bought all the books, read all the blogs, and stocked up on nursing pads, lanolin and breast-milk storage baggies. I soaked up advice from every girlfriend/cousin/etc. that was willing to give it to me. My husband and I even attended a breastfeeding class at our hospital (yes, he is a saint) and we took notes diligently. I thought I had all the ammo I would ever need.

Since my baby was born, I've had several friends ask for my advice on breastfeeding and I feel like I sometimes give a sugar-coated answer to "encourage" them.

This is what I really wanted to say...

Breastfeeding has been a whirlwind of great latching, not-so-great milk supply, and LOTS of crying (from the both of us)! It's one of the hardest things I've ever done, but has also given me some of the most rewarding, life-affirming moments I've ever had. Breastfeeding my son came with an entire set of challenges that no book or class could have ever prepared me for.....

1. Lansinoh Storage Bags   2. Simple Wishes Pumping Bra   3. Soothies Gel Pads 4. Fenugreek   5. Medela Breast Pump

The first few weeks I felt like he lived on my boob. He would nurse constantly. I never got a break. He wanted to eat every 1-2 hours! But wait, those books said he would nurse approximately every three hours. LIES! ALL LIES! My baby was doing what my doctor called "cluster feeding." Super. Just great. The pediatrician said it was normal, but nothing about this felt "normal." All the while, I wasn't making enough milk to satisfy my hungry little hippo, so we were having to buy formula and supplement. It felt like a slap in the face! I became engorged several times and eventually developed Mastitis. It. Was. Awful.

The sun eventually came out, and one day it all just sort of clicked. It's like your body and your baby just sort of figure it out. It's not easy, but it well worth the sacrifice.

I don't know how to adequately put into words what has happened this past year. We raised a tiny, precious, little newborn into a one year old. And I developed my most important life roll:

"Mama."

I look at my sweet baby who I've only known for a short time, but feel like he's been a part of me forever. His laughs, his cries, his smirks and noises...they fill up my soul. There's is nothing in the world like coming in the door after a long day and watching his face fill up with joy when he sees me and watching his feet kick uncontrollably from his sweet potato-covered high chair. His reactions perfectly mirror my emotions. It's no coincidence.

We've had many restless nights, groggy mornings and uneventful weekends. We've experienced frustrations, times of sadness and joy, blow-out diapers and morning/afternoon/nighttime baths. We've been on road trips, swing-sets, and airplanes. We've gone to the beach, the rodeo, weddings, and graduations.

We are not at all lost on what a gift he is. My eyes are baggier and my midsection is softer, but I carried him in my womb for nine months, and on my hip for 12...

We are forever changed. The words "mama" and "dada" have never sounded so sweet.

Sweet Baby Boy,
Your first year of life has been our best year of life. You made us a family...that's a big role for such a little boy. You have the sweetest personality and everyone sees it. You've never met a stranger or a sweet potato you didn't like. You love to cuddle with us while you watch Mickey Mouse and your little face lights up when they sing the "Hot Dog" song.

You are truly an old soul. We love to watch you go through your books; never rushed, always taking your time to see what each page has to offer. You love to open the shutters and stare out the window. Sometimes proclaiming a "huh?" when a car goes by or a squirrel comes into view. I love seeing the world through your eyes, appreciating the small details. We still can't believe you are ours to have forever.

Happy Birthday darling boy. We love you so.

























Photos by pic ryan photography